I was out on a run several weeks back and finally did it. I slipped and fell on the ice tearing a hole in my new this season running pants and a hole in my winter running confidence. I was bruised, bleeding, had a few road rash spots and had some very sore muscles on both legs.
I was out with a friend, so I didn’t stop running. We hadn’t even made it a half mile down the road when it happened. We walked it off a moment before we started back up. Should I have kept going? I honestly don’t know. But I cut my 9 mile run back to a 6 miler and felt like I should have stopped at 5.
I was feeling great despite the pain that was emerging. I honestly could have ran forever that day. That’s not the case for the come weeks. I ran about a week and a half later terrified I’d fall. Terrified that my knee would hurt. It felt ok. It didn’t feel great and didn’t didn’t feel terrible. Yet, I didn’t run for well over another week and a half.
The knee is still healing, but my fear of falling on the ice has only increased over the weeks. Running feels good. Running on ice sends almost a paralyzing fear up and down my body. Not great to get stiff while going over ice. It doesn’t matter if I am walking around town, to my car in a parking lot, or running. I’m just afraid.
This morning I went on another run. There was a light covering of snow on the ground, yet I decided to leave the cleats at home. Not a great choice. There were even more icy spots that I now could no longer see. After I slipped several times and my dog also slipped, I was regretting my choices. So much so that I broke down just over a mile out from my house crying hunched down towards the ground.
For some reason, I got up still terrified and kept running. I made it four miles and in constant fear the entire time. I never fell, but I wasn’t great. I’m still working out how to overcome this. How after 10 plus years of running throughout all seasons I’ve never fallen on ice before. How I’m going to get back to being ok with it and making better decisions about using cleats.
(To be fair, when I fell, it was on an icy patch not a day when icy was covered everywhere. In fact, all but a very few sections were dry concrete. Not something you’d put on cleats for).
Here is to hoping the fear will dissipate and I can get back to doing the thing I love without something holding me back.
