Everyday I wake up wondering what the day is going to look like in my new environment. Back in Bozeman I almost always had a plan for the day. I tried my hardest to accomplish most everything in the morning to leave the afternoon for whatever I wanted it to look like. Here I am staying at my parents house and I find my days go by so slowly. Even the times I head over to White Salmon for story time or go down to Potlatch to visit my in-laws seem to move slow.
Elijah is changing daily and it hurts to know that my sister isn’t around to witness all that is happening to him. When I wake up, I wonder if the sadness will hit again during the long days as I wait for Brent to come or will I find enough to do to keep my mind occupied. Will I wonder down a path of thinking of all that was left behind. Those days are the hardest and the ones that I find last the longest.
Now I know I have the choice to make it a happier day, but I also think that it is okay to have those feelings and embrace them in a sense. I left so much behind and haven’t discovered much new here. As we start stepping out more and more, the feelings will continue to disappear or become less painful. For now, some days I’ll just end up burning the fries while I wonder down those paths of emotions.
(Now, I literally burnt Elijah’s sweet potato fries because of being an emotional wreck and not paying attention.)