Experiencing a Loss | Miscarriage Part 3

News came

Two fridays before Christmas, I couldn’t help myself. I took another pregnancy test and walked out of the bathroom to tell Brent that I was still pregnant. I chuckled a little in relief knowing that I was in fact really pregnant. There was still so much to do. I needed to find a doctor because even after living in Oregon for over a year, I had procrastinated because I really didn’t want to give up seeing the practice in Bozeman. They were all such great doctors.

That same day, news came to me that my grandma had a heart attack on Thursday. I was trying to decide what to do as we waited to hear what the doctors were saying back in North Dakota about her condition. We were set to head out a week later to go to Bozeman for Christmas. Was it critical that I went to see my 97 year old grandma as soon as possible, or could it wait till plane tickets were cheaper and she had some time to heal? One way tickets were double or triple in price since it was so close to Christmas. My sister and I decide we should go while she could have the time off. We wanted to make sure we saw Grandma. It had been over a year since we had seen her. The plan was for Elijah and I to fly out Monday morning to Bozeman. Then on Tuesday we’d hop in the car with my sister and do the 8 hour drive to Bismarck.

The bleeding started

I woke up Monday morning (a week before Christmas) early to see Brent off to work. I wouldn’t see him until Friday in Bozeman to start our planned week long vacation visiting our friends and family. He left for work and I got on with my morning by going back to sleep, but the little man decided that he needed to wake up early as well. I eventually made my way to the bathroom to empty my bladder and saw a little bit of bleeding. I quickly looked up what a few people said online about really light bleeding or spotting and was slightly comforted. I still called Brent and told him what was going on and my concerns. I prayed. Brent prayed.

About and hour later, the bleeding started to increase slightly. It wasn’t getting better. It was getting worse. I immediately started to think I’m having a miscarriage. I called Brent back. This time I was crying and was trying to figure out what I should do. I was leaving town in less than three hours to hop on a plane. What could I do? What should I do? I kept asking Brent amongst all the tears. He suggested that I reached out to another lady that could give me better advice. I instantly thought of a dear friend that has been through miscarriages of her own. I called her right away. I could barely get the words out as I told her I had a question and needed her help because I didn’t know who else to call. I couldn’t get anything else out and I started to bawl. She knew instantly what was going through my mind. She said something along the lines of, “Oh Jess, are you having a miscarriage?” I said, “I didn’t know, but I thought so.” I explained to her my positive tests the week before, my current bleeding, and how I was leaving town and that situation. I was a blubbering fool as she calmed me down. She got me on track to call my doctor in Bozeman since I was flying there anyways and going to be there for a little while after getting back from Bismarck.

The plan was set

I called my doctor’s office and left a message for my nurse. As I waited for the phone call, I prayed some more about my situation. I knew what was going on, but I was still praying for a miracle. My nurse called me back, I filled her in and we set up a plan. I was to head straight to the hospital off the plane, we would do a blood draw and then I’d have another 48 hours later in Bismarck. I called my sister to let her know about the situation. I didn’t want to get off the plane and then ask her to drive me to the hospital. I wanted her to be prepared.

I hopped on the plane, and off to Bozeman I went with the little man in tow and without the husband. I’d be facing this miscarriage apart from him. I was thankful to have my sister waiting for me when we touched down.


Stay tuned for Part 4. I don’t know if you all want this much information about this, but I need to share it all. I need to open up about it all.

Thanks all for listening to my story. Please share this with anyone that needs to hear. You are not alone. You have support. God is here for you and so am I. I truly believe that talking about this can be part of the healing process. Please message me or talk with someone now.

Posted by Jess

I am a Christ follower, wife to the most amazing guy, and a full time mommy which I wouldn't trade for the world. I am a lover of photography and a wannabe world traveler. Sometimes I find myself in the kitchen cooking up a new recipe. I love sharing my adventures old and new with anyone that will listen.